


State of Dreaming

by mxgicdave



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Backstory, Ben and Poe are childhood friends, DarkPilot, Fluff and Angst, Jedi Training, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Pre-Canon, use of space skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxgicdave/pseuds/mxgicdave
Summary: Poe can feel him slipping away, and the distance might be too far.





	State of Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Okay this fic is set under the headcanon that Ben and Poe knew each other growing up. First half takes place when they are about 15, and the end right around when Ben massacres the academy. These two have such potential for a really interesting backstory, so I hope I did them okay justice and that you enjoy!

"Comfortable?"

"Not really."

What came after was a sting, a sharp ache, that Poe wishes was foreign and unfamiliar.

It had been years since he'd felt it but it wasn't something you just forgot. 

It didn't always hurt like this. The first time had felt strange of course, an intrusive sensation; fingers in a wound trying to pry out whatever was embedded deep within. But the courtesy of it, the cool wash of empathy that smothered him as it happened, was a calm he had felt once and never again at the hands of his-  _friend._

 

He assumes they were friends. They never dared call each other more even when they kissed on the mouth and spent teenage nights in one another's beds after long hiatuses apart. Ben would come back to visit and some selfish part of Poe hoped it was all for him.

Ben didn't recognize it at the time, but Poe had always been the comfort he sought at return, not a mother's embrace or a childhood home.

They both remember the night where Poe sat on the floor of his room, the blue glow of Ben's hologram face casting shadows around the boy's form.

"I learned a pretty neat trick the other day."

"Calling them tricks makes the force sound even more made up you know."

"Shut up! You won't be saying that when I use it to make you total that thing you've been flying!"

Poe laughs, and Ben's crooked teeth peek from behind his lips.

"You shut up! And it's technically your mom's. Not mine officially until my the big one-eight."

"Even better. How many x-wings can that woman not fly-"

Poe always changes the subject. He hates to be caught in Ben's battles with his mother. 

"Wasn't there something you were telling me about?"

"Yeah. My new trick."

 

He doesn't believe it until he sees it, which is in just under a month when Ben visits again.

They sit on the same floor, in the same dark, but so tangible to one another again. Ben hasn't taken his hand from Poe's all day. 

"So, you're telling me you read minds?"

"Well-"

"See, even you think it's bullshit-"

"No! It's not mind reading, its more like...It's like your mind is full of files, and I can look through them. Like looking at archived footage."

"So memories?"

"Yeah. Memories, dreams, things you've made note to remember in one way or another."

"Jedi are so weird."

"You're just jealous-"

"Jealous I can't see all the dreams you have about me-"

"Shut up!"

Poe laughs and does shut up, kissing Ben squarely on the lips. It lasts with little urgency, both just enjoying the closeness. 

"Okay." Ben mutters, eyes still closed. "I'm gonna do it, just sit still." 

Poe fights back a comment, admittedly interested in whatever is to come.

 

At first, he thinks Ben is touching his head. If he couldn't see the boys hands hovering in the air, he would've sworn the familiar bony fingers were running through his hair. He wanted to lean into the touch but stopped out of fear that he'd ruin it.

"Now I'm not...focusing on anything in particular," Ben said through a slightly strained voice, "Which makes it a little more difficult so, uh..."

Poe flicked his eyes up to meet Ben's but they were still closed.

"I'm gonna...focus on, stuff about? Uh, I guess stuff about me?"

Poe felt the ghost's grasp on him falter, Ben's voice seeming farther away than should've been possible.

"It's fine." Poe breathed, shutting how own eyes, wondering how it feels for Ben, if he's already seeing things.

"Okay."

There's a light surprise to Ben's voice, and it makes Poe want to kiss him again.

The touch is back with more pressure, sliding across his head as if searching for a spot to press deeper. Its slow at first but Poe breathes out and he feels as if something has sunk into the crown of his skull, filling in the empty spaces Poe wasn't previously aware of. His head felt full and light, like he could float away if the invisible thread anchoring him to Ben snapped. 

It was blurry at first, frame after frame of things Poe remembered, but definitely hadn't thought about in detail for months, years even. They flipped past like a photo album, him as a little boy, his mothers face, eating a favorite food. It becomes a flurry of color and sound before stopping abruptly, as a happy sigh floats from Ben.

The picture begins to focus, but retains a foggy quality, the people moving slowly and leaving trails behind them as they walk. 

 

"Poe!"

He feels himself smiling in the moment, though his current lips still hang slightly open in awe.

The vision makes a turn and he sees a young Ben, hair short but still in his face. They must be around ten, Poe guesses.

"I missed you!" 

The phrase hangs in his ears, ringing over and over, as the picture focuses in on the turn of Ben's mouth, and his still crooked teeth.

 

The images flicker again, they're on to the next page, not a memory this time, something new.

"Ben!" Poe shouts, and he feels his body tense at hearing it not come from his mouth. 

He sees Ben's dark form, rain pounding down on him, causing his ever longer hair to stick to his face, cloaking him in black. He says nothing.

Poe's words seem to all come at once, he can barely make out his sentences.

 

"Don't leave." 

"You can't leave."

"You said we'd always-"

"-but you promised!"

"You have to come back!"

 

Poe squeezes his eyes shut hoping that the colors will fade, that the pages will flip, but it doesn't. Ben's dripping form just stares at him in the night, as it has in so many nightmares that Poe wants to forget.

 

"Stop looking at me." Poe says, in his real voice. The image melts in the rain, and theres a mutual blankness between them.

 

"I'm-"

"Don't. I didn't want you to see that, we should-"

"No! Look, please just...uh, just breathe."

Poe's brow furrows, but he listens. He really wishes he could see what was running through Ben's brain right now. 

"I'm sorry." Ben mutters, as a new picture peters into focus. "It was...just a nightmare."

Poe shakily wipes at his eye as the new images start to play out. 

"Yeah." He says with a smile.

"Yeah." Ben says, smiling at the pictures Poe shows him.

 

A dreamy haze blurs the lines of Poe's face as he presses a kiss into Ben's hair, lacking a braid and pushed back into a lazy bun. Poe has grease on his hands and face, a flight suit tied at his waist, a hard day of work behind him. Ben holds a book in his lap, working on a sketch. Poe hears himself ask what it's of, and as Ben explains he takes a seat beside him. It's simple, but it's just shy of perfect. It's so warm, Poe swears he's feeling the sun.

As quickly as the pressure flooded his head, it leaves, and Poe heaves a shocked breath as he remembers where he is and what he's doing. A pressure returns, this time at his mouth, as he realizes Ben is kissing him. He kisses back. He doesn't want to let go.

Ben smiles into the kiss and wraps his arms around Poe's neck. The voice rattles at the back of his brain, telling him again to doubt, to detach, but he ignores it. For once, he doesn't care. He doesn't care about the voice, or Luke, or his parents, or his fate. He cares about some far off future, sitting in the sun with Poe.

 

Much like the dream, their time together was always fleeting; and before either of them knew it Ben was back on his way with Luke, and Poe went back to flying. 

They saw each other less frequently as the years passed, Poe still called, and Ben still answered, until he didn't. 

Poe tried to ask Leia about him, to see if she'd heard from him. But she always seemed more content to just get back to work, back to training, after all...Ben was just doing the same, right? Just staying focused?

The scarce times they did talk, Poe could feel a coldness in Ben's voice. Their conversations short and impersonal, neither prying too much.

Poe felt himself being shut out.

 

"How've you been? It's been almost a month since you called."

"Fine."

"C'mon, have you even called your mom?"

"I don't just sit here all day, Poe. I have work to do. I thought you might understand that."

"Alright, alright! Sheesh, I guess all that peaceful monk shit hasn't sunk to you yet, huh?"

 

Poe smiled at the hologram across from him. Ben's face remained stagnant, his brown eyes cast down.

 

"Ben. What is up with you?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me! Please, Ben." He wanted to reach out and grab his face, to make Ben look at him. To listen to him. "I miss you."

Ben let out a humored scoff, rubbing a hand across the side of his face.

 

"Do you remember that dream you showed me?"

 

Poe felt his hands shaking and he clasped them in his lap, slightly startled by the response. 

"What?"

"A couple years ago, when I visited you. When I looked inside." Ben finally met his eyes. "Do you remember the dream?"

Poe's words felt caught in his throat. Ben's eyes bore into his own; darker and older than he remembered. It scared him, and he couldn't fathom why he was bringing up some dream he'd had 8 years ago.

 

"I was a pilot..." He glanced down at the grease beneath his fingernails. "Like I am now." 

He met eyes with Ben once more, his expression still stony, but tears running down his cheeks.

"We were together." Poe felt his own eyes welling. He wanted to reach through and hold Ben, not let him go until he told him everything that was wrong, until he made everything better. Until that dream was all the way true. "You were happy, Ben." 

Ben nodded, staring into space. 

"Goodbye, Poe." 

"Ben-"

 

The hologram went dark. 

A shudder wracked through Poe's body, and he felt almost too shocked to cry. Rain pattered outside, as it set in that the dream would never come true. 

He hadn't said goodnight, he'd said goodbye. And Poe felt the finality of it in his gut.

A nightmare had begun, and he knew it wasn't something he or Ben could just wake up from.


End file.
